Entering the Facebook Disco

I am a recent addition to the phenomenon called social networks.  I kept getting invites from my former students to join the social networks and I ultimately relented, nudged on by the family who did not want a fuddy duddy in the family.  I remained dormant for almost two years and now am reasonably active on LinkedIn. I am the diffident entrant on Facebook even though I registered almost two years back.  If you are not there, you don’t exist, my fourteen year old daughter advised me sagely.   I have drawn the line at two of the networks.  Even with this, the email box is tough to handle every morning.

It is leaving me a little fuddled.  Like a guy who has entered a disco for the first time and does not know what he is expected to do.  Notice the guy in the disco who is shaking the legs as if he is trying to get rid of a pair of crabs which are biting both his legs?  Be sure he is there for the first time and wants to belong. The vigorous dancing is his way of blending in but makes him stick out like a sore thumb.

Somehow, I keep wondering if social network designers had the relations between the teacher and the taught in mind while designing the network.  On the contrary, they probably believed that students would want their teachers out of their life once the course gets over! LinkedIn does not have a “relationship” called “I was taught by him/her” in the pull down menu! Yet I get a lot of “friend” requests from my former students on LinkedIn saying “we were classmates” or “we are friends”! I wonder if it a phenomenon with only students from certain cultures and not from others?

Here is the nub.  In real life I am expected to keep a certain distance between me and the students.  That is an occupational hazard.  If a professor shares a drink with a set of students, nowadays it is not taboo.  But it does get discussed amongst colleagues in the faculty lounge with some colleagues even remarking that we should draw the line somewhere. Raised eyebrows and so on.   When my wife and I decide where to eat out, we would debate whether it is the day when a couple of tables would be taken by my current students and whether we should “avoid” the place. Irrespective of the cultures (Jai ho to Hofstede), I suppose the distance between the teacher and the student is greater than the distance between student and student.

Let us say, a student posts a photo of herself in revealing cloths (see the professor in me treading  cautiously with the words) and the comments from various friends range from “phee, phee” to “Sexxxxxxxxxxxxxy.......” to “Aathi kya khandala?” what is one supposed to do?  After 15 such comments even an innocuous “Nice” would make one look like one of the lascivious fellows following the moves of the dancer in a Hindi movie item number.  I am sure that if I were to make a comment on the dress of a student in the classroom, it would be misinterpreted; even found objectionable. Even if I say that a particular student has overstepped the yellow line and needs to be more modest! Is the distance expectation the same when one has become their former professor?

Do students know that their professors can see the exchanges on FB?  Do they care? Why do they then actively befriend their teachers? Do they want them in the periphery? Like professors who are invited to the fresher’s party dance? Take your glass, go to the corner and sit with the other professors and leave us to dance. Don’t even look at us! Don’t you dare join us.

I, for now, follow a very strict code of conduct for myself.  I do not initiate a friend request with any student – current or past.  I avoid befriending any one on the networks who is a current student till they graduate.  Even when the network software keeps bothering me with reminders. I wonder what other professors do when they face similar situations? I am sure the same problem exists for people working in organizations who have reporting relationships in brick and mortar offices but are friends online.  Is there a need to reconcile the two worlds?

Bala@Jaipur